Faith in God Alone

“...therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.” (Deuteronomy 30:19b)


Sometimes my work has been a constant reminder of the result of the choices we make in life. After three suicide victims and a multitude of other patients that were dying from self-inflicted injuries and/or diseases, it is difficult not to, at least, think about the choices that people are making every day of their lives. In the last few weeks I have seen more arms with needle tracks than I’ve seen in the last 40-plus years of my life. Dr. X told the ICU last week, “We need to get used to the idea that we are no longer a suburban community hospital, but rather the city has overtaken our hospital.” As a consequence of such demographic changes, we are now seeing the drug and alcohol abuse that is characteristic of a city hospital.

Every one of the suicide victims had rough lives of crime, abuse, drugs, and only God knows what else. I stood at the bedside of one such victim who also had brain and lung cancer, that was secondary to liver cancer, that was secondary to Hepatitis C, that was secondary to IV drug abuse. The family hysterically pleaded with me to pray that he be given one more chance to wake up from the overdose and have one more chance to make life right. The basis of their confidence in my prayers stemmed from my praying for the patient’s brother, who underwent brain surgery a few months ago, after leaving our ICU for Big Barnes. The brother recovered; therefore, if you pray for this patient he too will wake up and be able to embrace the family he has rejected. I tried to advise them that God did not always work in such a manner (the doctors said this patient would probably not live to wake up) and that while I would pray to a merciful God, it would be up to that same God to raise him up (or not). It was our job to trust God’s will regardless of the outcome. We prayed, and a few hours later he woke up, was extubated, and was sitting up talking the next morning when I arrived.

Now I said all of that, not to demonstrate the power of God, which is already well established, but rather to illustrate my frustration with the whole situation. I kind of felt like Jonah who preached, had revival with thousands of converts, and then was upset because he got what he preached/prayed for in Nineveh. It certainly seemed to all that God had heard my simple prayer, but within a few hours the patient was wanting (threatening) to leave the hospital so he could get on with making poor choices.

Now I know that God is sovereign, but I had to ask the question, “Why?” Why not the little lady on the other side of the ICU who was sick at no fault of her own? When I prayed for her nothing happened (at least not a physical healing). While thinking on this over the last week, I was finally reminded of my own little sermonette to the family when they asked me to pray. “I would pray to a merciful God, it would be up to that same God to raise him up (or not). It was our job to trust God’s will, regardless of the outcome.” I guess I will never fully understand or comprehend God’s grace and mercy, but I am again assured that Christ will have mercy on whom He will have mercy, and He will have compassion on whom He will have compassion. (Romans 9:15) Further, I may not understand what God does with my efforts, but certainly God knows what is best and what is right in each situation. Ultimately it is my job alone to trust God, to choose life, to encourage my patients to choose life, and that by doing so each of us will live.